decisions in life

December 13, 2009 at 8:10 pm (pikiran)

i was sitting on the bus alone today and this crossed my mind: making a decision is easy, but following through your decision takes a whole lot more courage. why is making a decision easy? it’s because what you simply have to do is just to choose the right thing. but to follow through the decisions you made really is the hard part.

example: the day you decided to accept jesus. it is a decision easy to make because it is the right thing to do. the best thing to do. when you follow jesus, you have everlasting life, you have a relationship with god. however, to follow jesus, to bear the cross everyday, it is hard. to follow through that one decision you made years ago, we sacrificed every single day of our life. why? because we know that this is the right thing to do. we keep pushing ourselves forward, telling ourselves that our rewards in heaven are greater, looking at the people who are fighting with us, we can’t help but to fight together with them.

what is that decision that you made in your life because you know it was the right thing to do? sometimes it’s not because we want to do it, but because we have to do it. it really takes a big heart to make that decision, but it takes an even bigger heart to follow through that decision. sometimes it can be really tiring.

Leave a Comment

how fair can life be?

November 9, 2009 at 12:36 am (pikiran)

it just irritates me how unfair this life can be, at times.

remember the story of how the landowner of vineyard hires different laborers at different time but all the laborers were paid one dinar at the end of the day? yeah that’s unfair work and unfair reward. the landowner didn’t promise to be fair, he promised to give what he said and you have agreed to his terms: nothing to say already.

this is the exact situation facing me right now. this irritating project that we spent hours and hours thinking, proposing, rejected, thinking, proposing, rejected, improving, brainstorming, cracking our brains……that really wasted so much of our time………what makes it even worse is the fact that there are groups which didn’t do a single sh*t at all and just took past papers and just replicate it. well, that’s different amount of works done, but definitely the reward system is the same.

i’m really pissed off, but what can i do? not possibly anything.

just have to face the fact that life is JUST NOT FAIR.

Leave a Comment

at the peak…

November 8, 2009 at 12:16 am (doaku, pikiran)

well, i really rarely blog, but when i blog, it is always whinings..

but seriously, i m really in the verge of breaking down, i don’t know what is my limit, but for sure i know i am really tired.

and having friends whom i thought are my friends, friends whom i thought are committed to my success, and yet not supporting me with the one thing that i am so passionate about, really saddens me…and tips it off..

projects and reports are not going well.. exams are really one week away and i havent even started to read anything.. and home isn’t exactly where i like to be at now..

i guess it’s just the flood that comes at one go, the tsunami has hit me.. and i know it’s my choice whether i want to ride above the flood or be flooded away.. but sometimes, i really don’t feel like making that decision.. sometimes, it feels that hiding underneath the sea away from everyone is the better choice…

what am i doing all these for? sometimes i do wonder.

i know i am doing this for God. i am doing this for the people i love. but at times like this, these reasons just simply are not enough to keep me going. i hope i won’t explode, not too soon. gotta keep going, i still have a whole future to paint…

Leave a Comment

a thousand and one things…

September 29, 2009 at 1:26 pm (hari-hariku, pikiran)

well it has been more than a month since i came back to singapore from the long break in jakarta..and well, as the title suggests a thousand and one things have happened these past 45 days or so..

first thing of course, school work has been unbelievably heavy, project meetings have started since week 2! and deadlines upon deadlines kept chasing after me.. it’s my third and final year in SMU, it is no wonder work is getting tougher, no more slacking and sleeping and lazing and shopping non-stop.. getting good grades is my top priority now, when work starts, there is no more grades to work toward.. :)

i’m also doing some voluntary work now, helping out with many events, doing follow-ups, sourcing for suppliers etc. it hasn’t been exactly the fun-est job on earth, and day by day, with more school work piling up, i’m losing the joy in helping out this organization.. but well, what i have started i will definitely finish till the end, i m no quitter.. :)

many conflicts with others, quarrels here and there, unhappiness, unexpected events etc.. but well, looking forward to the rest of the year, i believe God has a lot more in store for me.. :)

2009 has not yet ended. keep fighting and never walk away! :)

Leave a Comment

Innocence

May 7, 2009 at 6:58 pm (pikiran)

Beberapa hari ini, sedikit berpikir banyak, sedikit mellow, sedikit sering merenung, satu sih karena emang lagi nganggur dan disisi lain karena taon depan i am going to GRADUATE. i need to know what to do SOON, or better still NOW!! but i still have no idea where i am going to end up in, what i am going to do, what i PLAN to do with my life. I still wish that all my life I can stay in university, all my life I can stay under the protection of my parents, all my life I can retain my innocence. but i know i can’t. innocence is never a virtue. i should dare to dream, dare to plan, dare to step out, dare to explore the world on my own, dare to stand on my own feet. i still have GOD who will see me through the season, and i know he will make sure i emerge victorious. :)

Avril Lavigne – Innocence

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it’s so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn’t change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[Chorus]
This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don’t go away
I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it
Don’t you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it’s so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I’m so happy here
It’s so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn’t change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

It’s a state of bliss, you think you’re dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that you’re feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It’s a state of bliss, you think you’re dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that you’re feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliant, It Makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliance Please don’t go away
Cause I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it, Don’t you let it pass you by

Leave a Comment

post-exam euphoria

April 21, 2009 at 1:27 am (hari-hariku, pikiran)

well, it’s 1.20am in the morning, i havent bathed, but i just feel the compulsion to blog after all my exams are DONE. my 2nd year in SMU is officially OVER, like that in the blink of an eye. my plan was to graduate in 3 years, that means exactly 1 year from now, i will be standing in the exam hall for the last time, staring into the future that seems so vague. well, time flies.

so many things happen during the exam period but one thing i am glad about the exam period is that exam in itself is an EXCUSE for not doing things. things like looking up for internship, my holiday trip, my summer plan. well, i have delayed all these till now. now i am faced with a junk of plans to think about. and now i cant use EXAMS as an excuse for not doing this right and thinking about them now.

well, post-exam isnt exactly a euphoria. there are many afters to do. especially things that have been knocking on my face for far too long.

ain’t exactly free.

life is full of decisions, yeah?

anyway, if you see a handsome man, please let me know. =))

Leave a Comment

penyesalan hidup dan pantang menyerah

April 15, 2009 at 12:39 am (doaku, inspirasiku, pikiran, teman2ku)

kalo ngomongin soal penyesalan hidup, bnyk bgt sih.. well, sering bgt gw jadi orang always takes things for granted, dan selalu menyesal setelah kehilangan.. emang bener kata orang “you never know how much you love it/him/her until you lose it/him/her”

hal itu sering terjadi sama gw.. dan setiap kali keinget kalo ko yoh sering bilang “don’t pray for opportunities to come, but pray that when opportunities come you are ready”.. well, setiap keinget itu, selalu terasa condemned. sering kali aku mendapat kesempatan, bukan gak ada kesempatan, tp aku melewati nya dan melepaskan nya dengan begitu saja.. terkadang karena gak siap, tp terkadang yah simply doesnt know its value.. kalo aku tau value nya, pasti gak akan aku lepaskan gitu aja kan.. pasti aku akan usaha dan meraih nya sebisa mungkin..

well, bnyk hal yg spertinya sudah lalu, sudah gak bisa diapa2in lagi.. mau dinangisin sampe 100 ember jg gak akan bisa merubah situasi skrg.. it’s already GONE, GONE, GONE…… kesempatan gak akan dateng mengetuk pintu kita 2x.. kalo hilang yah sudah.. well, terkadang jd mikir: bego amat sih lo, uda kepengen bgt, uda didoain tiap hari, begitu dpt, malah di sia2in aja. yg ngeberkatin jg sebel lah. ini orang bego ato apa sih? yeah i know it’s condemning, pesismis bgt kan pikiran kyk gini.. well, that’s only human..

memang bener sering kali aku mikir kyk gini, sering kali terlintas rasa ingin ngamuk dan marah2 sm diri sendiri. terkadang sumpek, sebel dan benci. but well, bisa apa jg kan?

apa yg sering gw lakukan adalah: nangisin dan sesali sehari aja.. kalo perlu telpon temen bae, marah2in.. msn/ym temen2 bae.. fb message.. tweet kalo perlu.. marah2 aja sampe puas.. sampe lega.. sampe plong.. nangis kalo perlu 20 ember.. abis itu.. MOVE ON…….. the past isn’t worth lingering around for too long, the past is never as glorious as the present and the future.. Tuhan aku Tuhan yg memberi berkat from glory to glory.. rencanaku indah di tanganNya.. people make mistakes, dont dwell over your mistakes. what we have to do everytime we fall down is to stand up again and fight again.. till your last drop..

kita bole punya penyesalan hidup, tp kita gak bole nyerah begitu aja ketika tantangan datang dan banyak hal yg menentang kita.. maju terus pantang menyerah dong!!!!!!

imperfect.. that’s simply who we are..

1 Comment

building fun 2008/2009

April 6, 2009 at 5:18 pm (doaku, inspirasiku, pikiran, teman2ku)

the past six months have been great, from the first seed that i sowed back in november until the last seed that i sowed last week. there are times when it feels like i m being robbed, sowing in tears, but there are times when i sowed joyfully because of his abundant blessings and protection in my life. well, ever since i sowed in november, my life has been PROSPEROUS, more PROSPEROUS and is now VERY PROSPEROUS. mantap.

Ketika kita membangun rumah Tuhan, Tuhan akan membangun rumah kita. ada amin? :) taon lalu bulan desember, aku pindah rumah sm dora, n my parents were totally supportive despite the 50% increase in the rental fee. and ketika aku balik indo, mama tiba2 mau RENOVASI seluruh rumah. rumah nya skrg aku blom liat kyk apa, tp yg pasti BAGUS ^^ kata pst aries bener.. RESESI?? apa tuh resesi??? my family doesnt live in recession. :) well i dont say we dont experience the decline in sales, the shrinking budget that we have to live with.. we do.. but our standard of living didnt decline despite the recession, my parents can still afford it :)

and the best is.. selama liburan di indo, aku dikasi duit jajan bnyk bener.. dr PAPA, MAMA dan KOKO… pdhl biasa yg ngasi duit jajan cmn mama doang.. ^^ it totalled up to almost 1,5x my pledge amount :)

and then.. in march, my grandmother came over to singapore for medical checkup which never happened before. and she gave me extra allowance of the exact amount i pledged. :)

and end of march came my birthday, and i was given a Blackberry Curve 8900 (Javelin) which i never expected before. never ever ever ever. :) and many many many presents that overwhelmed me totally.

and now, when i was looking for an internship, well there was a waiting period that made me feel really frustrated, and there were times when i felt that God has forgotten about me. but i didnt give up and i kept trusting God and really covered this internship in my prayers. well, today i just clinched an internship offer on the spot, the pay isnt very much, but for an intern i dont expect much too.

not just financially, my ministry is also prospering. last year my svc attendance hardly hit 20, and its always a struggle to hit even 16. now we can easily hit 20, and if everybody can attend, we can easily hit 25. and our highest hit attendance was 35 :)

well, over the past few days i learnt one thing about thanksgiving. it is a simple subject that is overtalked, but yet is forgotten. do you realize that if you are really nice to a person and keep thanking them and appreciating them for whatever good they did for you, they will do even more good for you and be happy to help you anytime? rather than to an unthankful person. well, i think this is the same thing with God. if we can give thanks to God for every single little thing that we experience, God will be more likely and more gladly to pour out His blessings to us.

so dont forget to GIVE THANKS in everything you do. :)

1 Comment

Protected: forgive and forget

March 9, 2009 at 9:22 pm (doaku, hari-hariku, inspirasiku, pikiran)

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


Enter your password to view comments

life

March 5, 2009 at 10:00 pm (doaku, pikiran)

it has been 20 years 11 months and 1 week since i first breathed in the air of this world, and it has been a long and hard journey for me to become who i am now. well, it definitely wasn’t my choice  to be born in this world, but unfortunately, it is my decision to live it or not. well, i guess after 20 years++ i have decided that i want to live this life, and more than just living it, i want to live it to the fullest.

well, i am going to be 21 soon, yeah another 3 weeks. and well, 21 should be the age where the girls become euphoric and we always have big celebrations all over the world. but this year i don’t find the urge to celebrate my birthday like how i used to celebrate all my other birthdays previously. i just don’t find the excitement anymore. but still, i will most definitely celebrate it again this year. i hope in these remaining 3 weeks, i will once again discover the excitement of life and feel the fun of finding out what lies ahead of me.

last year hasn’t exactly been the best one year for me, but it definitely was the most exciting one year for me. i met people whom i missed out before, people whom i never knew would bring such a great impact in my life. and i found the joy of leading young individuals who are so passionate toward life – it is because of them i find the drive to push on, to excel in my vocation.

life, in itself, hasn’t been easy. i can’t say that i have the best of life among my friends. well i envy many of my friends for what they have, and even so i do envy those people who have hurt me. sometimes i do wish i have the things they have and sometimes i simply just want to be them. well, life is full of ups and downs. but in time of downs is where you discover your limits and capacity. in time of downs is where you know you need God more and more.

someone told me this before.. if you want to grow yourself, just take up more commitments. well, committing myself to more and more things is really tiring. and the past one year, there were so much commitments and responsibilities. and being a leader is definitely exhausting. sometimes i just can’t be myself, and sometimes crucifying myself is painful, simply too painful. being a leader, i have to be an example to many people around me, being a public figure (not that i am very much one) entails a lot of responsilities. sometimes i wonder how those people do it, they seem so perfect and it seems that they can do it so easily.

well, i m not gonna give up on this life, i will never shortchange my life for anything. until God decides to call me home. but till then, i will fight this life the best i know how. though i fall, i will stand up again. though i feel tired, i will recharge myself again. this life is too beautiful to be missed. i know what lies ahead is beautiful, and i just can’t wait to watch what great things He is going to do in my life.

God, here I am..
your little girl =)

10 Comments

« Older entries