at the peak…

November 8, 2009 at 12:16 am (doaku, pikiran)

well, i really rarely blog, but when i blog, it is always whinings..

but seriously, i m really in the verge of breaking down, i don’t know what is my limit, but for sure i know i am really tired.

and having friends whom i thought are my friends, friends whom i thought are committed to my success, and yet not supporting me with the one thing that i am so passionate about, really saddens me…and tips it off..

projects and reports are not going well.. exams are really one week away and i havent even started to read anything.. and home isn’t exactly where i like to be at now..

i guess it’s just the flood that comes at one go, the tsunami has hit me.. and i know it’s my choice whether i want to ride above the flood or be flooded away.. but sometimes, i really don’t feel like making that decision.. sometimes, it feels that hiding underneath the sea away from everyone is the better choice…

what am i doing all these for? sometimes i do wonder.

i know i am doing this for God. i am doing this for the people i love. but at times like this, these reasons just simply are not enough to keep me going. i hope i won’t explode, not too soon. gotta keep going, i still have a whole future to paint…

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pressing for eternity

October 30, 2009 at 1:20 am (doaku, inspirasiku)

I was reading Hebrews 11 and came across this:

“24By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, 25 choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, 26 esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt; for he looked to the reward.”

I was really encouraged by the life of Moses – he was guaranteed a great life, riches and status, but he chose to suffer affliction for the people of God: to lead the ungrateful Israelites out of Egypt – to where? the wilderness. he did not even enter the Promised Land. and again when I read the previous verses:

13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 14 For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. 15 And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.

I was deeply moved by these heroes of faith – looking at their lives and looking at mine… :D these people died without receiving their promises. Abraham died without seeing his descendants as the dust of the earth and his land that God promised; Moses died without entering the Promised Land; Abel died after offering to God an excellent sacrifice. but one thing all of them had in common: they died believing fully in God for the eternal reward instead of what they can get on earth; they died believing fully in God without doubt even when what God promised never come true. this is the kind of FAITH i want to have, the kind of FAITH that puts 100% trust in HIM even when circumstances are bad, even when His promises never come true, even when all else fails.

Sometimes when bad things happen to us, many of us doubt: is God really there? does God really love me? well, one thing we know that God never promised to be fair, but He promises to be faithful when we are faithless, He promises to be our Refuge and Stronghold when we are weak, He promises to love us despite our imperfections. How much does God really love us? We know. He died on the Cross for us when He is blameless and innocent. He bears our sins, our transgressions, our imperfections. We can go to Heaven to be with God because He made a way for us. He suffered everything for us even before we know Him. If that’s not enough, this is how much He loves us: (quoted from yohandi :P )

Mark 36 Then someone ran and filled a sponge full of sour wine, put it on a reed, and offered it to Him to drink, saying, “Let Him alone; let us see if Elijah will come to take Him down.”

the sponge full of sour wine was used by the people in olden times to clean their butts after doing business. they used that for Jesus to drink. and Jesus drank it. can you imagine drinking those dirty sponges that you use to.. (ok we don’t use sponge to clean our butts) wash your dishes? by now I believe everyone is “eeewww”-ing already.. yeah, Jesus did that. For US, for YOU and for ME. He loves us THAT much.

so for those of you out there, I believe there are promises of God that are yet to come true, and sometimes you wonder whether it will ever come true, looking at your life now sometimes you feel that it is impossible. but friends, will you be like Moses and Abraham who will die believing in God fully, never doubting the love of God?

let’s be heroes of faith. we live not for the things that are seen, but for the eternal reward. let’s press for eternity! :)

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God is faithful!

October 21, 2009 at 1:28 am (doaku, hari-hariku)

“He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform.”

Romans 4: 20-21

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妈妈

May 11, 2009 at 12:25 am (doaku, inspirasiku)

为一位伟大,最爱我的母亲而写的…

在这母亲节,我想好好地告诉您我是多么得感谢您对我的照顾与爱护. 如果没有您,哪能有今天的我呢?

谢谢您!

就算您有时无理由地骂我们,对我们大声喊,我知道您是对我们好的.虽然有些事您管教得太严格,有些事您过度插嘴,我知道您的心是处处为我们着想,想让我们长大以后能过得好一些.

虽然您不是一位特好的妈妈,也没那么懂得表达您的感情,小时候也多次让我们失望,但是如果能再次选择,我还是要您来办我妈妈的角色.您是无人能取代的.

您是世上最伟大的妈妈.谢谢您!我爱您！：）

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penyesalan hidup dan pantang menyerah

April 15, 2009 at 12:39 am (doaku, inspirasiku, pikiran, teman2ku)

kalo ngomongin soal penyesalan hidup, bnyk bgt sih.. well, sering bgt gw jadi orang always takes things for granted, dan selalu menyesal setelah kehilangan.. emang bener kata orang “you never know how much you love it/him/her until you lose it/him/her”

hal itu sering terjadi sama gw.. dan setiap kali keinget kalo ko yoh sering bilang “don’t pray for opportunities to come, but pray that when opportunities come you are ready”.. well, setiap keinget itu, selalu terasa condemned. sering kali aku mendapat kesempatan, bukan gak ada kesempatan, tp aku melewati nya dan melepaskan nya dengan begitu saja.. terkadang karena gak siap, tp terkadang yah simply doesnt know its value.. kalo aku tau value nya, pasti gak akan aku lepaskan gitu aja kan.. pasti aku akan usaha dan meraih nya sebisa mungkin..

well, bnyk hal yg spertinya sudah lalu, sudah gak bisa diapa2in lagi.. mau dinangisin sampe 100 ember jg gak akan bisa merubah situasi skrg.. it’s already GONE, GONE, GONE…… kesempatan gak akan dateng mengetuk pintu kita 2x.. kalo hilang yah sudah.. well, terkadang jd mikir: bego amat sih lo, uda kepengen bgt, uda didoain tiap hari, begitu dpt, malah di sia2in aja. yg ngeberkatin jg sebel lah. ini orang bego ato apa sih? yeah i know it’s condemning, pesismis bgt kan pikiran kyk gini.. well, that’s only human..

memang bener sering kali aku mikir kyk gini, sering kali terlintas rasa ingin ngamuk dan marah2 sm diri sendiri. terkadang sumpek, sebel dan benci. but well, bisa apa jg kan?

apa yg sering gw lakukan adalah: nangisin dan sesali sehari aja.. kalo perlu telpon temen bae, marah2in.. msn/ym temen2 bae.. fb message.. tweet kalo perlu.. marah2 aja sampe puas.. sampe lega.. sampe plong.. nangis kalo perlu 20 ember.. abis itu.. MOVE ON…….. the past isn’t worth lingering around for too long, the past is never as glorious as the present and the future.. Tuhan aku Tuhan yg memberi berkat from glory to glory.. rencanaku indah di tanganNya.. people make mistakes, dont dwell over your mistakes. what we have to do everytime we fall down is to stand up again and fight again.. till your last drop..

kita bole punya penyesalan hidup, tp kita gak bole nyerah begitu aja ketika tantangan datang dan banyak hal yg menentang kita.. maju terus pantang menyerah dong!!!!!!

imperfect.. that’s simply who we are..

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building fun 2008/2009

April 6, 2009 at 5:18 pm (doaku, inspirasiku, pikiran, teman2ku)

the past six months have been great, from the first seed that i sowed back in november until the last seed that i sowed last week. there are times when it feels like i m being robbed, sowing in tears, but there are times when i sowed joyfully because of his abundant blessings and protection in my life. well, ever since i sowed in november, my life has been PROSPEROUS, more PROSPEROUS and is now VERY PROSPEROUS. mantap.

Ketika kita membangun rumah Tuhan, Tuhan akan membangun rumah kita. ada amin? :) taon lalu bulan desember, aku pindah rumah sm dora, n my parents were totally supportive despite the 50% increase in the rental fee. and ketika aku balik indo, mama tiba2 mau RENOVASI seluruh rumah. rumah nya skrg aku blom liat kyk apa, tp yg pasti BAGUS ^^ kata pst aries bener.. RESESI?? apa tuh resesi??? my family doesnt live in recession. :) well i dont say we dont experience the decline in sales, the shrinking budget that we have to live with.. we do.. but our standard of living didnt decline despite the recession, my parents can still afford it :)

and the best is.. selama liburan di indo, aku dikasi duit jajan bnyk bener.. dr PAPA, MAMA dan KOKO… pdhl biasa yg ngasi duit jajan cmn mama doang.. ^^ it totalled up to almost 1,5x my pledge amount :)

and then.. in march, my grandmother came over to singapore for medical checkup which never happened before. and she gave me extra allowance of the exact amount i pledged. :)

and end of march came my birthday, and i was given a Blackberry Curve 8900 (Javelin) which i never expected before. never ever ever ever. :) and many many many presents that overwhelmed me totally.

and now, when i was looking for an internship, well there was a waiting period that made me feel really frustrated, and there were times when i felt that God has forgotten about me. but i didnt give up and i kept trusting God and really covered this internship in my prayers. well, today i just clinched an internship offer on the spot, the pay isnt very much, but for an intern i dont expect much too.

not just financially, my ministry is also prospering. last year my svc attendance hardly hit 20, and its always a struggle to hit even 16. now we can easily hit 20, and if everybody can attend, we can easily hit 25. and our highest hit attendance was 35 :)

well, over the past few days i learnt one thing about thanksgiving. it is a simple subject that is overtalked, but yet is forgotten. do you realize that if you are really nice to a person and keep thanking them and appreciating them for whatever good they did for you, they will do even more good for you and be happy to help you anytime? rather than to an unthankful person. well, i think this is the same thing with God. if we can give thanks to God for every single little thing that we experience, God will be more likely and more gladly to pour out His blessings to us.

so dont forget to GIVE THANKS in everything you do. :)

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a little wisdom from the birthday girl

March 26, 2009 at 4:04 pm (cita citaku, doaku, hari-hariku, inspirasiku, teman2ku)

YIHAYYY.. finally 21 =)

partly happy, partly sad.. happy because i finally reach the legal age, sad because the number just keeps increasing.. well, the word is OLD.. that’s what everyone feels on their birthdays right?

the past one year has been full of ups and downs.. but generally GROWTH is what i would sum up my past one year..

i have grown from a timid girl to a woman whom many respect and “fear” *LOL*

i have grown from someone who always judges and criticizes to someone who simply wants to serve the people around and think of their best instead of shooting at their weaknesses.

i have grown WIDER also.. well…….. xp

and i can say the journey from 20 to 21 was the best in my life.. the BEST.. and i hope the journey to 22 will be better =))

i hope as i enter adulthood, i will become wiser, more mature and more loveable…. i want to keep fighting and running for my dreams and visions, i want to do so much more, see different parts of the world and meet people of different perspectives and cultures…

and remember my bucket list? yeah i still want them to happen one by one in my life… 21 is never too old to do great things, and 21 is never too young to try anything impossible.. =))

i hope i can continue to be blessed and be a blessing to people around me =))

and thanks to all who made the efforts to celebrate with me, who tried to make me happy and all the “condolences” too.. and thanks for all the MSN, YM, SMS, FB wall, tweets, etc etc.. you guys simply rock my day.. =))

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my wishlist

March 19, 2009 at 5:15 pm (cita citaku, doaku, teman2ku)

ok secara ulang tahun ku sudah mau datang, mendadak jadi pengen beli banyak barang ini ^^
<please check out often for the updates =P>

1. My personal iMac
ok gue sadar ini uda ganti berkali2.. dari Macbook menjadi Macbook Pro menjadi Macbook Air skrg jadi iMac.. tp kyknya kalo laptop di rumah uda punya BANYAK (toshiba rusak, sony rusak, compaq rusak.. dan skrg memakai Acer yg menuju kerusakan jg), jadi iMac aja dhe..

2. Blackberry Curve 8900 (Javelin)
akhirnya sudah dapat.. look at #4 now. =P

3. iPod Touch (16GB)
secara uda punya nomer #2 jadi ngga perlu iPhone lagi.. so i want iTouch now =D

4. Subscription to Pushmail Service by Starhub @$63.13/month for the next one year
ini dia yg sangat kuperlu skrg tp gak mau keluar duit buat ini hehehee… yah 1 orang bayarin 1 bulan laaaa.. okok?? =P

5. Internship @ Bloomberg Global Data (25th May to 31st July 2009)
oh please I really want thisssss…….. =)

6. M.A.C Eyeliner Crayon (Dark Brown)

7. Lip Gloss Benefit (Sweet Pink colour)

8. M.A.C Foundation NC30

9. M.A.C Pressed Powder NC35

10. A new wallet
ini perlu juga.. dari taon lalu keilangan dompet belom beli dompet lagi…. huaaaaa… yg bagus yah.. kalo engga, ada nya engga akan di pake hahaha.. =P

11. a skin protector for my #2
but now i want the designer plastic protector that covers the whole phone, you know what i mean? it is $58 the last time i checked at bugis for blackberry 8900 =)

12. kado buat sharon =)

btw tolong jangan beliin pajangan foto, gelas, piring, handuk, pajangan meja, pajangan tembok, salib, yah u know.. gak perluuuuuu……. dan gak ada tempat buat nyimpenin gituan… yah list ini hanya membuat hidup kalian lebih mudah, secara cari kado itu melelahkan hehehee……..

13. Ralph Lauren Fragrance – Romance Always Yours
smells so niceee :)

btw, ada sistem apa yg bs keep track siapa dah beli apa yah??? jgn sampe gue terima sepuluh botol lip gloss yg warnanya sama -_-

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Protected: forgive and forget

March 9, 2009 at 9:22 pm (doaku, hari-hariku, inspirasiku, pikiran)

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get yourself a little break =)

March 6, 2009 at 12:32 am (doaku)

I really love this song man.. a source of courage for me =)

The climb – Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

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